Not sure what to think about this one.

Here I am, surfing the web, checking out blogs and boom - And what do you know - I am a Christian.

I have read a lot of the articles on your site. Some of which raise some valid questions and some of which are filled with as much nonsense as you claim Christianity contains. I think you would freely admit that. Anyway, I have read your entire testimony and wanted to comment. You mentioned that Christians blame your rejection of Christ on the poor treatment and bad example of other believers. I agree with you that such an assessment misses the mark.

I think the reason you became frustrated and felt a need to step away in the first place was that not one of the "churches" you described seemed to be a true church. I am not saying that everyone in those churches were faking it (though you might say the must have been if it is all really a lie). I am saying that the things you experienced from those churches were abhorrent. It was either a false religion based on emotionalism and feeling, or legalistic nonsense calling itself Reformed. I don't doubt your knowledge and have read many of the same authors. I also believe that if I am going to call something truth that I should be able to defend it not only with my heart but also with my mind.

That said, I think it is important to read and study the other viewpoints that exist and really investigate the claims of those views. In the added comments, it is obvious that you have further made up your mind that Christianity is bunk. That doesn't negate the fact of what you experienced during the time you were involved in the church. I do not know your heart. But I also believe that we can look at each other’s lives and make statements based on what we see.

So here are a few things I wonder about your journey: When you accepted Christ at that movie, did you really understand that you were a sinner in need of a savior, or was it the fear of hell of the emotion of the movie that truly griped you? When the leaders and Pastors around you could not answer your questions, did you look harder for those who could? You mentioned you have read Sproul. I don't think there is a question you could asked him (when you were still looking for answers) that he could not answer not only with the Scriptures, but philosophically and logically as well.

I know the questions you mentioned - I would never receive the response you received if I asked my pastor. Shame of those people. How do you think the people of the churches you were in could really teach you truth and answer your questions when they were living like they didn't believe it themselves? Did you ever really come to the point of finding true worth in God? I don't mean the emotional high of "being on fire" for him, but really coming to grips with who God is, why he deserves our lives to bring him Glory, and that we can truly be satisfied in that.

What did you do with the sexual frustrations you felt? I have a feeling that this area became a struggle for you and had a lot to do with where you are now at. I have been there too. In fact, your "nude art" was tempting to look at. Why, because God has made me a sexual being and I have used that in the wrong ways in the past. He has taught to really be "Freethinking" in that area though. Just like the fish is only free in the sea, for when it desires to be "free” from the water it will die; we are free when we live within the bounds that God has created for us as man and women. One of those bounds is how I satisfy that sexual desire within.

It has been hard, but God has taught me and shown me that I can have an amazing, free, open and intimate relationship with my wife and it will be full of true satisfaction. It really comes down to what is best. Does masturbation or sex outside of marriage feel good? No need to answer. But those ways of meeting that desire are only inferior to what God really wants us to know and experience. And that comes to the point of what makes one sin and not the other.

I should trust that what God says is best is best and be willing to wait for it. When I do that it brings Him glory. If I show that I don't trust Him by finding other ways than His was to meet that desire - it doesn't bring him glory and it is sin. So when I'm tempted to look at your "art", I have a decision to make - is what God offers better? It what God has commanded me to do worth ignoring the photos and waiting for the opportunity to have an open, intimate time with my wife? Absolutely! Sorry for that rant, but I want you to know that I am not here as some pious fool who thinks he knows everything and has it all together.

I really believe that you and I have experienced some of the same sad examples of the church and personal struggles. That doesn't mean that it is all bunk. You know that for every unbelieving "freethinker" out there, that there are just as many believing thinkers that can defend the truth of Christianity against any argument. Funny how the way we choose to believe is the side we are on - is it worth risking eternity on it?

The questions beg an answer. I hope you will....


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