Confused and in fear

From Lori K

Just Kinda wanted to say hi,

I left the Christian church and my husband three years ago. It's still been a struggle. My 7-year-old son when he visits his Dad, is being told awful stories about how if he doesn't believe in God, he will go to hell, and how I'm full of the devil.

Now this poor kid lives day today, confused and in fear.

It's just nice to see others who have been through the same thing.

I just go day by day, but I worry about my boy.


Bob said...

People don't understand that our integrity as free thinking atheists is more important to us than putting on the charade of religion. As for your son, I reccomend this'Explaining god to children' I hope this link will work
I wish you well.....

SpaceMonk said...

I feel for you. All I can say is counter education?
Find out what he's being taught and explain the other side of the story.

At least he is getting options now rather than a onesided indoctrination. If he gets good information then I think he'll eventually figure things out for himself, and will probably be grateful for any honesty shown.

Anonymous said...


That was an excellent link. Thanks! It says it's for children, but I think it'd be useful for several adults.


Spirula said...

It sounds as if his father is also using him as a weapon, trying to turn the child against the mom.

As a single father, who has been fortunate not to have had to put up with much of this, I have nothing but utter contempt for parents that do this.

Anonymous said...

Lori, hi

I have been reading the posts here for a few months and have been posting myself for about a week. I was raised an atheist and so all this is pretty new to me.

Usually the christian posts are simply amusing--just another screwball for jesus--and then there are others that make me impatient and sarcastic. But this pissed me off.

Turning a child into a victim........people ought to be flogged in public for doing such a thing. If your child was molested, the offender would be in jail. But let him be terrified of hell, and it is the free practice of religion. I wish with all my heart that the "sacred cow" could be slaughtered and served for lunch.

If you want to talk, we are going to be here.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lori.

Don't worry too much about your son. He is getting both sides of the story and when that happens, he will be able to discern the truth from the bs.

My wife and I raised two sons with her on the side of the church and me on the side of logic and reason. Both boys are now young adults and both are non-believers. Even though they were forced to attend church when they were little, they had me to make sure they also heard both sides of the story. This website can help you more than you might realize. Come back often and find the help you may need. Good luck.

Hellbound Alleee said...

I've read the statistics: Children raised in dual-religious homes generally turn out atheist.

Just do your best, and I'm sorry your kid has a crappy dad. Nobody deserves that. I have to tell you, though, I had a similar experience, being told one thing by my school, and another by my parents. It was confusing. I think I'm not too messed up. You just have to be prepared to have a kid who is a little self-obsessed, but independent.

Be sure to keep reminding him that there's no such thing as a hell, and that anyone who loves him would not have him tortured.

AA said...

Lori, I'm sorry you have to deal with this BS. Everyone here is right, just answer the questions and correct the misinformation.

I read that story link, that is just excellent. The other stories are good too.

Just because I don't know, doesn't mean god did it.


eel_shepherd said...

Lori K, Although it is right for you to take this situation seriously, I think it's also important to not let your kid see this religious nonsense get to you or push your buttons. Just laugh it off (all it deserves) and give the kid specific, kid-sized answers to specific questions, and move on. Your son will see, more clearly than most adults will, who's who and what's what when he sees you happy healthy and competent and not fretting about the great sky bogeyman. Kids don't miss much.

Anonymous said...


I went through a similar circumstance and am now working on a documentary about Christianity and divorce - and basically how the church isolates and abuses (many times with good intentions) people that leave their spouses.

This actually was the 'straw that broke the camel's back' in my own deconversion.

When I needed my church friends for support during the hardest time of my life, they were nothing but judgemental and non-existant -- all in the supposed name of "love."

However, I didn't leave Christianity because of disapointment in people, but my disapointment led me to really thinking about what i believe, and once I opened my mind and did more research, i deconverted and now cant believe I was once that girl that actually believed that load of s*#!.

The guilt the church puts on people that leave their spouses, added to the guilt you probably feel for putting your child through a 'split' family (even though it was the best thing to do), added to the guilt your ex is placing on you for your "lack of belief" is enough to catapult anyone into a deep depression and turmoil.

To add to all this, I imagine your entire support system has also been removed from you because of the divorce and also leaving the church.

This makes me so sick. Which is the reason for the documentary.

For me, this has been the hardest year of my life. When you go through a divorce and a "divorce from faith" too, everything in your world is turned upside down. Not to mention what you are going through with your child and ex-husband.

At times I felt crazy and ready for it all to end. I can only imagine what you are going through, and my heart goes out to you.

If you want to talk about the documentary and possibly share your story, I would love to hear from you. My email is

The good news is, from talking to people across the country that have been in similar circumstances, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Every single one we have met so far is much happier now - but it has taken a lot of time (and for many, a great therapist!)

I sincerely admire your courage and strength. Your boy is extremely lucky to have a mother like you.

Anonymous said...

Don't you just love the way these assholes try to use Biblical Manipulation in order to control their wives?

I guess that's the way some of these husbands hide their insecurities, which is through "God/Sleezus" (Biblical Manipulation).

Of course the "Apostle Paul" was the biggest loser and woman hater of all time.

I'm sure he is the #1 idol of most of these men who abuse their wives.

Thank God Paul is now a dead rotten corpse in the ground.

If anyone deserves to burn in hell, it's definitely the "Apostle Paul".

I would give anything to see Paul exist in today's modern world, and see some of these feminists tar and feather Paul and drag him down the streets by his balls.

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