I feel a connection with you guys

A letter from Michelle N

I have enjoyed reading this site for months now. I'm not good with computers and mine is an antique.

I left the faith a few years ago. The main reason was the hell doctrine. My mother took me to a Lutheran church as a child (pretty laid back,no fire and brimstone). My dad would drop us off and go get a coffee. My mother had faith but was not fanatical: more of a "Sunday Christian." It was the warnings of hell by an elderly women at a friend's youth group that scared the shit out of me. I tried to feel close to god, but was convinced He hated me. I was also convinced at age 22 that I had somehow committed the Unpardonable Sin. I practically had a nervous breakdown, just waiting to die and face my unchangeable fate.

Every night was spent weeping for all the people who were destined for hell. I started to realize that being a Christian meant shutting off the part of the brain that feels compassion. How could anyone accept their loved ones -- or anyone for that matter -- going to hell for all eternity? I didn't believe that even the most evil of us deserved that.

Humans are scared,fragile creatures, and none of us asked to be thrown into this world. If we screw up it's God's fault and the responsibility lies with Him. I went from having library of books by apologists, to books by John Shelby Spong (whom I still admire), to books by atheists.

I now consider myself an agnostic, leaning toward atheism. At 27, I'm glad to be free of the mental hopscotch that goes with religion, and I am pretty vocal about it, which alienates people. But it helps weed out the sheep. Besides, I feel a connection with you guys that i really can't get any where else.

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Joe B said...

I'm glad you find community here, but my experience is that there are more closeted atheists and agnostics out there if you look for them. Tried meetup?

Unknown said...

Thanks for your post. I've sent in a few about crazy thinking created by Christian faith. This site has helped me get rid of some of that type of thinking too.

Nvrgoingbk said...

"Humans are scared, fragile creatures, and none of us asked to be thrown into this world. If we screw up it's God's fault and the responsibility lies with Him."

Loving that comment. Of course, you didn't intend to imply that we have no moral obligation toward our fellow man. We have to make that clear or some Christian troll will take that comment to the bank.

I know exactly where you're coming from, however. I have always felt exactly this way. I always thought to myself: how cruel a fate and how dastardly a devil this god of the Bible was to play such a wicked game with his creation: causing us to be "born into sin" and then sending us to burn forever in the abyss of Hell simply for the sin of "unbelief". Of course, I was too damned afraid of that fiery abyss to escape the bondage of Christianity for sixteen years, but like you, I finally found the courage to swim across the chasm to dry land and leave "The Rock" behind.

Anonymous said...

I left because of this too.I agreee with nvrgoingbk.we are just tiny creatures in the universe..and if we are programmmed into doing something,of course we will believe it.

Lance said...

Thanks for the post. I feel the same connection.

I can't talk about any of this in a supportive manner with my christian family or friends of course, and the few atheist friends I have are not in the same place, so they can't really be bothered even if they do tolerate some conversation on the topic.

It takes just the right person to understand what we are going through.

So I've got one or two people I can talk a littl about it with, and then all the wonderful folks here.

So thanks again for your post, and thanks to Webmaster Dave and all the wonderful folks here. Now I'm getting a gushy.

Peace. Lance

Lance said...

Sorry, I meant "all gushy." I don't even know what A gushy is.

michelle n said...

A gushy is a magical, fictional creature- Like jesus.

Lance said...

Thanks Michelle. I'll add that to my dictionary, and I won't be embarrassed next time I get one.

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