I hardly know what to believe any more

I never thought I would find a site like this one - but its a comfort to know that there is one. Just reading a letter where someone mentioned Philip Yancey's book "Disappointment with God" and that pretty well sums it up for me too. So much has gone wrong since I became a Christian.

I know there have been some very poignant moments in my Christian life, and I can't forget those times, but generally speaking, the quality of my life seems to have deteriorated since becoming a Christian and I have suffered from major depression as a result of this deterioration.

I am told that this deterioration is a result of either curses or being under demonic attack. My anxiety levels have also definitely risen since becoming a Christian and I am fed up with just how complicated and scary it is to actually be a Christian. I hardly know what to believe any more, since every message is different.

I wish it were just so simple and there were no complications or talk of spiritual attacks or demons or having to develop a higher conscience. Why can't life be so simple and loving, instead of having to watch my p's and q's all the time and worry about what demon is looking over my shoulder or what curses are over my life! I am tired of the whole damn lot!!

I have walked away a number of times from the whole christian scene and I have been terrified of taking my life in my own hands, but I wanted to do that just to negate all my christian experiences. Fear keeps me bound in most of the time, but I wish I could just neutralise all the toxic messages from the countless of sermons I have been under and just be nothing - not a christian or anything - just me again without all this extra burden.

And another thing, I can't even have a normal conversation with most of my christian friends, since everything that they say seems to be so spiritual and there is so much left unsaid - I can never be myself!

Chris Lines

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Chris,

Welcome, thanks for sharing your story. You said:

"Fear keeps me bound in most of the time, but I wish I could just neutralise all the toxic messages from the countless of sermons I have been under and just be nothing - not a christian or anything - just me again without all this extra burden."

Christianity has been around for centuries. The people who gain the most have learned how to perfect the system. Of course you feel fear - you were programmed to. You have the answer: "just be nothing - not a christian or anything - just me again without all this extra burden."

It's time to relax and enjoy life!

-Bob

Anonymous said...

Hi Chris,

Yeah I got tired of pretending that, I Love Jesus, around my relatives, whenever someone comes around, such as a preacher or another church member, their demeaner changes, their eyes sparkle and they kick in the ass licking, like aren't you soo special, aren't you pretty, It makes me want to puke. Religion and christianity is an elite ass kissing club, they can kiss jesus's dead ass as far as I care.

That appears to be what heaven is all about, god and jesus are bent over and you kiss their asses for eternity, yuk, give me hell I'd much rather be in hell, as you can tell I'm not worried, because there
is no such a place as heaven or hell.

Anonymous said...

Hey Chris,

Your probably feeling a lot of conflict and confusion right now. One of the best things you could probably do for yourself is get yourself our of that "christian cocoon" and start building connections with people in the secular world. Discuss theology and philosophy with them. Go out and do things (besides attending church), and remember that everyone on the planet is in pursuit of truth and feels somewhat lost. Some look for it in religions. Others in philosophy. Others in science. Remember that life is a journey not a destination. Go out and explore.

Anonymous said...

Hi Chris. Let's get factual about a few things here. Christianity has had centuries trying to cover up its biblical discrepancies by the use of apologetics. There are no such thing as demons, or angels.
There is no New Testament Jesus, as per virgin bith crap, he is a myth. And the Christian God is also a myth. Spirituality is also a product of the mind, and in short is nothing more than a form of hypnosis whether self induced, or induced by someone else. Read "My Testimony" on my web page by clicking on my name here. Read some of my essays and take a close look at some of the links I have posted. Want some real good advice. Give all religions and supposed faith movements the big A.
By one who knows.

Anonymous said...

Chris, actually it is very simple. But it is in the interests of the church to convince you that it is not. If it was simple the clergy would be without jobs because you would not need them. So every priest and pastor develops his own complicated theology that is deliberately made difficult to understand and locks you in to their system so that they can give you their "teaching" - of course in return for your tithe.

The simple truth is that it makes no sense for Jesus to have to die for anyone else's sins. If a god existed, and wanted to forgive his people, why should he require s

Anonymous said...

Chris, actually it is very simple. But it is in the interests of the church to convince you that it is not. If it was simple the clergy would be without jobs because you would not need them. So every priest and pastor develops his own complicated theology that is deliberately made difficult to understand and locks you in to their system so that they can give you their "teaching" - of course in return for your tithe.

The simple truth is that it makes no sense for Jesus to have to die for anyone else's sins. If a god existed, and wanted to forgive his people, why should he require someone to die? These concepts of human sacrifice and the scapegoat being punished on behalf of someone else were simply the cultural beliefs of the time - two thousand years ago. We have come a long way in terms of civilisation and morality since then and the stories just don't make sense anymore.

According to the bible Jesus had to die because of Adam and Eve's sin. Without their sin there was no need for Jesus to die. But we know Adam and Eve did not exist. Everyone agrees on this. So why believe the second part of the story when the first part is obviously nonsense?

The truth is very simple. The bible is a collection of mythology written by ordinary people - no god had any hand in it. Once you grasp this simple truth Christianity goes the same way as every other religion that you have rejected - straight out the window.

Good luck in getting your life back together. Many of us have trod similar paths to that on which you now find yourself and we can assure you the path gets easier and the rewards are great.

Anonymous said...

You said, "Why can't life be so simple and loving......etc.
Chris, Your life is what YOU MAKE IT!! The important thing is your starting to realize what is going on and what the religion is doing to you. Don't let them mess with you its all part of the brainwashing money control scheme. If you need help breaking down the walls the church biult in your mind. Check out this guy's site www.jcnot4me.com
This is an excellent site

Anonymous said...

Chris, as you no doubt heard, most of the advice thus far has been to piss on the church and everything you experienced as a Christian. Frankly, you sound a little too honest and forthright for that. Even you said there were poignant moments -- and undoubtedly that's true -- but if your tendency toward depression existed most of your life then much of what is taught in Christian circles...(demonology, for instance)... would, and probably did prove harmful. Stevie Wonder had it right,

"When you believe in things that you don’t understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition ain’t the way"

Whatever your path in life, I hope you retain the positive elements of your Christian experience (love and forgiveness, for example), and leave the expeditions for demon hunting to the craft and clever guys who populate TBN. Were only here for a short while, Why make it tougher than it can already be?

So...if you don't mind my asking, What is your history with depression? (I've dealt, and still occasionally deal with it...though the treatment is much better today then it was forty years ago when I had my first bouts.)

Smoother sailing, son. Peace

Anonymous said...

Chris,your story really hits home with me.There is no such thing as demons.I worked for a deliverance ministry for two years, and it was a joke!If you tell someone they've been delievered,most will believe it,&(it may do some good).This is just one of the many con games
used by fundies to scare & control followers.
I would suggest you at least try treatment,.... if you haven't yet.
peace,freedy

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