I feel like a survivor

Sent in by D.C.

I was a person of faith...its all that I knew and for the longest time I really believed I couldn't live a happy life without faith. For longer than I can remember though...I was nagged by this little voice in the back of my mind...it kept saying..."Dawn...Christianity wasn't meant for you...this isn't real."

This voice kept getting louder and louder and louder until one day at work...I just stopped believing. It just sort of WENT AWAY.

I didn't feel bad...as a matter of fact I immediately started to feel better. I was very confused...why didn't I feel bad? Why didn't my "conscience" set about trying to destroy me. I DIDN'T FEEL EVIL!

lol...its been tough.

Friends, family, society...now I Feel as if I'm surrounded by crazy people. Xmas has been a real eye opener this year. I see Christians milling about nativity scenes at the mall...right next to Santa saying "ho ho ho Merry Christmas".

I feel like a survivor of some terrible mass delusion...like I'm mentally "well" for the first time. Does anyone else feel like they are living in a huge loony bin? I cant talk to anyone about this...all I can do is stare and feel bad for them. I'm thankful for this site because I can at least talk about it openly.

What I'm dealing with now...and what is most shocking...is now that the faith filter is gone, everything I see and hear on the news seems more real...more sad...I think faith actually made me numb because I have never felt anything like this before. Why do some people "wake up" and so many others not? My closest friends know about this...my family never will...lol ...NO WAY!

I know that I could never go back...I don't want to...I would rather live in a world of intelligence and reason. It may be lonelier out here...but dammit...it feels really good. I just hope that I can meet new like minded individuals...in time I know I will...

Peace...D.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

You do live in a "Lunny Bin." Try not to let it get you down. The number of people who can make the most rational, sensible decisions about any other facet of their life except their faith in Jesus is astounding. I admit that there are a lot of people who are smarter than me but when it comes to looking at their feeling that the truth, the evidence for their religion, is strictly in their feelings and no where else they are unable to accept that. The destructive downside of this is that they then want to convert everyone else to their irrational Christian belief system. I work in a State facility where I have been persecuted for almost two years by one of these fanatical hypocrites. He has done everything he can to get me fired because he wants my higher paying job. The Christians overlook and condone his actions because he reads the Bible and goes to church on Sundays. They also have some irresponsible and cowardly belief that you are never to judge another person because Jesus says that somewhere. So my co-worker continues to sabotage my job anyway he can because it's ok with Jesus and his Christian followers. The situation is exacerbated all the more since thanks to Geo. Bush and his faith based initiative funding the state agencies encourage the practice of fundamental Christianity in the workplace regardless of how the faith can be distorted and manipulated by a sick person to harm others. Forget about a violation of civil rights or any other rights. In a state funded agency, if you're white, you ain't got no rights. That's not a racist statement, though it certainly is, it is simply the truth. Ah, the truth? We're back to my original premise. This is a nutty world we live in. If it's any consolation, I've got it worse than you. Hang in there. That's all I can do.

Roger O'Donnell said...

The miracle of Christmas 2006...

An anonymous poster who make some sense...

Merry Xmas

Grandpa H xxx

Anonymous said...

Incidentally, I must always remain "anonymous" because of the retaliation I would receive from Christians in the workplace and from the state agency if my comments were ever identified by my real name. So who says Evangelical Christianity isn't harmful? In a way, the Crusades never ended.

Anonymous said...

DC.
If this is the case then you never was a believer in the first place, Belief is not a choice, you are either a believer or not a believer. "No Choice involved..."

Now I myself have no faith, But I am a believer in the Christ, who had faith, We are saved by His faith, not ours, because we have none. Because if we did have faith, we could move mountains, have you moved any mountains lately? I haven't and know no one who has . So I know not one who has faith, so don't feel alone in the world our faith is not needed, If it was then we wuould all be in poor shape.
The whole world sucks, and so does its Religions.

So the story goes!

Avie said...

I often feel the same way, only not so much like I'm living in a looney bin, but more like I'm perpetually surrounded by idiots. Or people who are sleepwalking. Sometimes I just want to scream at them and tell them to please, please wake up! But they won't.

I don't know why some people go through life with their heads stuck in the sand. I suppose they get some sort of comfort from it. I never understood how that could be...it's like being a three year old for one's whole life. I could never be happy that way. I don't think any truly intelligent person could.

Yes, it is lonelier to live in the land of reason but, like you, I think it's worth it. I thank my good fortune and the webmaster here (more the webmaster than good fortune;)) for this site. It's helped me immensely.

May you have a happy day today, as well as the other 364 days that come in a year ;) Each day is special; it's just too bad some people can't figure that out.

Anonymous said...

People invented imaginary gods to validate their insanity and it's obvious to non-believers.

They can pass blame on their imaginary gods for things they knew were wrong in the first place, and then they can get instant forgiveness from their imaginary gods.

See the obvious insanity? Christains cannot!

resonate11 said...

"Friends, family, society...now I Feel as if I'm surrounded by crazy people."

Yes! One has to be at least a little schizophrenic to actually hold beliefs which defy the evidence of their daily lives. For example, they don't trust in God, they trust in law enforcement and fire protection services and doctors and military weapons et cetera. They thank God for their food after actually doing the necessary work themselves to obtain and prepare it.

"Does anyone else feel like they are living in a huge loony bin?"

Yes!

Anonymous said...

Religion is a BIG-BUISNESS BRAINWASHING,MANIPULATING MONEY MACHINE that begins when we are vulnerable little children.
Shows like David and Goliath,the Robe,Greatest Story Ever Told ,and countless others, train us to be mindless consumers of Churchianity.
I have absolutely "NO RESPECT" for anyone involved in the marketing schemes of religion!

Anyone brainwashed into a false belief system is mentally ill,....period! At least 5,000,000,000 deluded masses,..wow!

So much for merry x-mas.

webmdave said...

Cheers to you Avie!

And thanks.

Anonymous said...

Many years ago, I dated a woman who had been hositalized twice for manic depression, and she said the first thing they do is take away your bible. You were not going to get better if you were sitting around talking to jesus. She said there were people in there for many reasons, and not a bible in the whole building. Things have changed, I would guess.

Anonymous said...

Altogether now! To the tune of that song by the Monkees!

'I've got no faith, but I'm a believer!
It's not a dog, it's a golden retriever!'

'I thought crap was only meant for fairy tales...

...Then I saw that post, from the anony believer!'

Celestials, by any chance?

Anonymous said...

I feel like I'm surrounded by fanatical "nuts", yet I'm still friendly towards them & them towards me because they don't know I'm NO longer a fundamentalist "Nutstian" like them. I can only hope that one day they will "wake up". I don't hold out MUCH hope for that though because their daily self-induced brainwashings don't help them any. I can now look at their overzealous "fanaticalness" & chuckle to myself. Especially when they make comments about the Lawd helping them with something, when someone else has figured out the same problem WITHOUT the Lawd's help. I also, chuckle at the fundies who talk like they know all that's in the Bible & are SOO into Christmas decorating, that they obviously haven't read Jeremiah 10:2-4, about how they're not to do as the Heathen do by cutting down a tree an decorating it with silver & gold. hee, hee, hee. Guess they're going to go to their own hell for that one, eh! CJ-R

xrayman said...

Hey D.C.
What a short and sweet story. As I have said many times here before, I have tried very hard on numerous occasions to embrace God/Jesus and the words in the Bible.

But for some reason this little voice in my head just kept going "BULLSHT." After my wife and I had children we thought it would be good to bring them up with religion so we joined a local church and got them baptized. Every service I attened I tried so hard to embrace the faith. yet the little voice in my head would not shut the fuck up. "BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT," it would always say.

Now that I have found the reason that the little voice would not shut up, I feel so free.

It does sometimes seem we are living in a world of loons. I met a guy online who I write and have respectful conversation who is a Bible literalist. He believes every last word to be truth. It's just wild and whacy stuff.

Anonymous said...

Hello D,

Simply lovely! Your story contains so very little baggage, no feelings of recrimination nor serious resentment. Such a sweet and simple story, very refreshing to read.

Thank you for posting this!

swabby

Anonymous said...

Even if you come to the conclusion that you must believe in something, that does not guarantee that the current version of "God had sex with a mortal, so he could have a half mortal son,and arrange to have sacrificed to himself, as atonement for the bad stuff we do, stuff that he programmed into us to do in the first place, WOULD BE TRUE!"

Angels and demons and hell and heaven, and the idea that our maker is sitting up there in the sky worrying about what we wear on our heads or how we have sex, would still be silly ridiculous concepts.

It would still be reprehensible to worship anyone who condones slavery, or the idea that women are inferior to men, or the massacring of just about everybody who isn't a Jew, including babies.

A God who would get mad at everyone on earth, whom he created, except one family, and put that family on a boat with thousands of animals, and then cause a flood and drown everybody else, does not demonstrate qualities worth worshiping.

Wouldn't it be better to make up your own religion, start fresh with one that makes more sense?

How about worshiping life and paying homage to it by living it as well as you can. Simple and easy to understand.
Dano (ex believer in blood sacrifices to gods)

Anonymous said...

I do feel like I live in a loony bin a lot of the time. Especially since we moved to the newest outpost of the reddest region in California 5 years ago. That would be SW Riverside county.

Our local newspaper reported on that meeting of the minds at the Salk Institute last month (I'm still watching the great coverage provided on this site, btw, thanks, Dave!) and the letters to the editor are STILL pouring in! Angry and antagonistic letters berating atheists, that is. It's enough to make an ex-Christian person nervous...

Thank goodness X mas is over!!

Anonymous said...

Good OLE Paul above.
After reading thousands of times that you can't prove the bible to be correct by quoting the bible, he just keeps on doing it. His brain is impermeable to reason.

Is it possible that some of the totally brainwashed cult members cannot be saved, just put out of business by drinking the Kool Aid or taking the ride on the comet?
Dano (Global warming is more significant than sin)

Anonymous said...

EXACTLY!! I feel the same way. I feel like I'm one of a few sane people in a mental institution. Moreover, I see how inherently "evil" and cruel many Christians are by their comments that they make when it comes to anything that's different than them: gay people, people of different race, religion, differing opinions, different cultures, etc. I never noticed that before when I used to be a Christian. I pretty much went along with ideas such as, "Yeah, those Buddhists are stupid because they don't have Jesus..." (just an example)and I didn't question the cruelty of such statements until I finally declared myself not a Christian any longer (I'm now agnostic).

So, yes, in a way I'm sad to see that we live in a country where people worry more about what the Bible says about gay marriage than the fact that our earth is pretty much screwed if we don't do something about gloval warming (I think someone else pointed this out too). BUT I'm so glad I'm finally AWAKE.

Even when I was a Christian, I still didn't feel certain things were such a big deal or "wrong". Being gay, for example. I'm straight but never ever thought there was anything WEIRD about being gay. So, while I may have (regretfully) nodded when my parents would make a comment against a gay person, I only did so out of blindly following my parent's religion. In my heart of hearts, I never believed it.

I feel much better outside of Christianity. It's kind of like the Christianity closet.. I'm out and not afraid to be an ex-Christian!!!

jimearl said...

I believe the tide is slowly shifting toward a more favorable opinion of nonbelief. However, that said, I would still be a nonbeliever even if I were totally alone. I know bullshit when I see, hear, or smell it. And that is what religion is: Bullshit, piled high and served warm, but bullshit just the same.

Anonymous said...

I'm in the exact same boat. I lost my faith in christ and i'm glad i found a site like this to meet like minded people. This site is a relief for me since most of the people i know at home and at work are christian. I try not to talk about it because it only tries to get people to turn you back to God and I dont feel like dealing with the same shit.

Anonymous said...

Here are four popular misconceptions non-believers have of Christianity.
Here are some misconceptions that non-believers about Christianity:

1. Christians are uneducated and are against education.
Fact: Almost all modern education was begun by Christians-certainly our modern University Systems. Christianity has relatively single handedly brought education into primitive, illiterate cultures and actually codified many languages into a written alphabet.

2. Christianity is anti-science.
Fact: Almost all of the fields of science that we know of today were begun by Christians.

3. The Bible is a cherry picked collection of books to reinforce Roman political-religious dogma.
Fact: The Old Testament existed as compiled today before Rome existed and virtually the entire New Testament as we know it today was recognized by 1st Century Christians.


4.Jesus Christ never existed.
Fact: What was written of Christ in the Bible can be attributed to contemporaries of Jesus, some claiming to be eyewitnesses (Luke 1:3; 1 John 1:1-3; 1 Corinthians 15:6-8; Acts 10:39-42; 1 Peter 5:1, etc.). The same cannot be said of any other classic historical figure.

webmdave said...

Fact: Almost all modern education was begun by Christians-certainly our modern University Systems.

That's ridiculous. It can be said that all modern education IN THE UNITED STATES was begun by Christians, because the majority of people called themselves Christians. It can also be said that all modern education in the Middle East was begun by Muslims, all modern education in Israel was begun by Jews, all modern education in the Far East was begun by Buddhists, etc., etc., etc.

Fact: Almost all of the fields of science that we know of today were begun by Christians.

WRONG. It was begun by the Greeks -- the PAGAN GREEKS.

Fact: ...virtually the entire New Testament as we know it today was recognized by 1st Century Christians.

WRONG. Learn your history. James, Jude, Revelation, I&II Timothy, Titus, Hebrews, I&II Peter -- off the top of my head -- were widely disputed and argued about. And, there were other books that were widely accepted, such as The Shepherd of Hermas, by First Century believers that were later thrown away.

Fact: What was written of Christ in the Bible can be attributed to contemporaries of Jesus.

This is patently untrue. There is no evidence that any of the books in the New Testament were written by eye witnesses. There is considerable evidence to the contrary. See: Who Wrote the Gospels?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous (12/25/2006 11:10 AM) said
"Incidentally, I must always remain 'anonymous' because of the retaliation I would receive from Christians in the workplace and from the state agency if my comments were ever identified by my real name. So who says Evangelical Christianity isn't harmful? In a way, the Crusades never ended."

Talk about your BS! C'mon, where's the honesty? Why don't some of you 'objective' people comment on this?

Anonymous said...

RH: "My challenge: My question for you WM is, ‘Can you name one field of modern science started by a Greek…a PAGAN GREEK?’ For every one you say I will name two Christians with their respective fields of modern science. There’s a challenge for you!"

Ancient Greece pertains to pre-Roman Empire rule... The better question, dear RH, is how many Christians were alive pre-CE? None.

Thus, you can owe the entire origin of science to those who preceded Christianity... For every Christian Scientist you can name, I can assure you, they're studying a field, founded by a Greek philosopher/scientist.

Anonymous said...

RH: "I referred specifically to the modern University System as we know it today. Yes it is Western,..."

Hey, RH, please define the "true" modern university... and why you believe it has to be "western". Does that mean all other university systems around the world aren't - modern? Oxford students may take reservation to such an asinine statement.

webmdave said...

Tell you what, RH. I'll retract my comment that modern science owes its life to Pagan Greeks. Here's a book explaining how the study of science started before even them: Lost Discoveries : The Ancient Roots of Modern Science--from the Babylonians to the Maya

Anyway, have you ever wondered why all the stars have PAGAN names? It's because CHRISTIANITY hated science for hundreds and hundreds of years, so no star bears a Christian name! If Christianity had maintained its stranglehold on western thought, there would be NO science today. In fact, if it weren't for a bit of secular apostacy, thanks in part to the printing press and increased education, there would be western universities at all! Christianity ruled the western world for 1,500 years and gave NOTHING to medicine, education, or science.

NOTHING!

Sorry, RH, your knowledge of how the world really works is skewed by too many fundie-fanatic sermons. You are zealous, but ignorant.

Luther, Calvin, the Catholic Church, all condemned Copernicus as a heretic. Mathematicians were condemned as if in league with the devil.

Don’t believe me?

Remove the ignorant shackles on your mind, RH:

"People give ear to an upstart astrologer [Copernicus]who strove to show that the earth revolves, not the heavens or the firmament, the sun and the moon. Whoever wishes to appear clever must devise some new system, which of all systems is of course the very best. This fool wishes to reverse the entire science of astronomy." -- Martin Luther, Works, Volume 22, c. 1543

"Those who assert that 'the earth moves and turns'...[are] motivated by 'a spirit of bitterness, contradiction, and faultfinding;' possessed by the devil, they aimed 'to pervert the order of nature.'" --John Calvin, sermon no. 8 on 1st Corinthians, 677, cited in John Calvin: A Sixteenth Century Portrait by William J. Bouwsma (Oxford Univ. Press, 1988), A. 72

Whereas you, Galileo, son of the late Vincenzo Galilei, Florentine, aged seventy years, were in the year 1615 denounced to this Holy Office for holding as true the false doctrine taught by many, that the sun is the centre of the world and immovable, and that the earth moves, and also with a diurnal motion; for having disciples to whom you taught the same doctrine; for holding correspondence with certain mathematicians of Germany concerning the same; for having printed certain letters, entitled “On the Solar Spots,” wherein you developed the same doctrine as true; and for replying to the objections from the Holy Scriptures, which from time to time were urged against it, by glossing the said Scriptures according to your own meaning: and whereas there was thereupon produced the copy of a document in the form of a letter, purporting to be written by you to one formerly your disciple, and in this diverse propositions are set forth, following the hypothesis of Copernicus, which are contrary to the true sense and authority of Holy Scripture – The Church Sentences Galileo

"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell." -- Saint Augustine

webmdave said...

Oh, and RH, I own Tenney's book. Frankly, it's a fairly shallow work -- basically for beginners or Bible School college freshman.

Thanks anyway.

Pageviews this week: