Just wanted to say hello

I know this is a site for exchristians but I'm an exmuslim and I have to say I have enjoyed reading the posts here over the last few days. There are some exmuslim sites but none are as good as this.

I come from a moderate Muslim family and was born and raised here in America. I was very religious growing up, praying five times a day and fasting at Ramadan. I was raised in a tolerant household and had gay, Jewish and female friends. My parents taught me to always respect others. My mother and sister didn't cover up.

When I was 15 I decided to read the Koran and the Hadiths (the sayings attributed to Mohammed). Like many of you who read the Bible and were disgusted, I too was shocked by some of what I read. The Koran had some bad stuff but the Hadiths were the worst. There was also a lot of contradiction. For example, Mohammed condoned wife beating and also condemned wife beating.

I loved and respected Mohammed and Islam when I was growing up. I didn't know what to think. I either had to justify and explain away the bad stuff (which is what good Muslims do) or accept it (and become an a$$hole which is the only way to describe observant Muslims). I don't know if Mohammed was a bad man or if he was a good man who had false sayings attributed to him after his death. But really it doesn't matter. Even if he didn't say bad things (such as the angels will curse a woman if she refuses sex to her husband) many people believe he did, therefore they can justify doing bad things believing they have God's and the Prophet's approval.

I just couldn't accept Islam anymore. I did read the Bible and considered Christianity but I also thought the Bible was shocking and the whole virgin birth and trinity thing is just too absurd to believe. And there are so many Christian denominations. What's with that? Now I believe in God and that's it. I don't believe in prophets, saviors and holy books.

My parents are very upset but they still accept me. My mother cried for days after I told her I no longer considered myself Muslim. They blame Al Qaeda for my loss of faith, because they have given Islam such a bad name. I haven't told them I have doctrinal problems. I let them believe what makes them feel better.

I have told my younger sister my views and she no longer believes either but she's afraid to tell my parents because she knows it will completely break their hearts. I'm away at college, so it's easier for me. She's 17 and still at home.

I know what all you have gone through. First the guilt and confusion. Then fear of how family and friends will react and of course rejection from some. Then the anger kicks in because you realise you devoted a lot of time to something that is nonsense. You are angry at yourself for ever believing in it.

Good luck to all of you and for new exchristians, stay strong. It's hard at first but worth it when you finally become free from religious faith.

Faruk