pathetic, inscrutable arguments
Just cruising through. After a brief glance around it becomes clear to me that this is either a pathetic defense of atheism, for which any self-respecting nonbeliever should be embarassed, or it is a clever "mock site" like Landover Baptist Church and is run by a bunch of clever Christians to discredit the atheists. I lean towards the latter (so don't think I'm taken in). The idea that nudity in Medievel Catholic art should discredit Christianity and the pathetic, inscrutable arguments in the compact contradictions are dead giveaways.
Comments
"Inscrutible arguments"??????? I have found many of the posts by exchristians on this site to be highly logical and reflective of a great deal of scholarship, and I've learned a lot here. But, I guess intelligent writing is just too much for this poor, ignorant guy to comprehend.
That's what happens when you choose to close your mind and believe in fairy tales. Sad.
I believe in Jesus.
Doh!!!
http://articles.news.aol.com/business/article.adp?id=20060518052609990015&_mpc=business%2e10%2e4&cid=842
Kissing Hank's Ass
.: posted Wednesday, June 22, 2005 ::: by .:webmaster:. ::: EmailThis! »
This is not "new" material, most visitors here have already seen it, and I believe it originated from here: http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php. There you can also download a .pdf version to carry with you and a nicely "sanatized" version (no cuss words) for distribution to your easily offended fundy relatives and friends.
Anyway, if you haven't seen this before, enjoy.
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."
Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"
John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."
Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."
Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."
Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"
Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."
John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"
Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."
Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"
John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."
Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"
Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."
Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"
John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."
Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"
John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."
Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"
Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."
Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"
John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"
Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."
John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit out of you."
Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."
Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."
Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"
John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."
Me: "Who's Karl?"
Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."
Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"
John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."
From the Desk of Karl
Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
Use alcohol in moderation.
Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
Eat right.
Hank dictated this list Himself.
The moon is made of green cheese.
Everything Hank says is right.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Don't use alcohol.
Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.
Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."
Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."
Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."
John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."
Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"
Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."
Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"
Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."
Me: "How do you figure that?"
Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"
Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."
John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."
Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."
John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."
Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."
Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."
Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."
John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"
Me: "We do?"
Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."
Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"
John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."
Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"
Mary: She blushes.
John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."
Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"
John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."
Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"
Mary: She looks positively stricken.
John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"
Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"
Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."
John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."
Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."
Mary: She faints.
John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
Click here to download a .mov of this skit.
[ 16 prior comments posted ]
As for this website being a defense of atheism . . . huh? It's an ex-christian website, not a We Are True Atheists(TM) website. Atheism is usually the logical conclusion of most ex-christians, but not the forgone assumption of this site. I am sure some of us have other philisophical associations, but we don't need to dance around waving it about.
The bible lists the following traits of followers of Jesus
- cast out devils,
- speak in tongues,
- handle serpents,
- drink deadly poisons,
- heal the sick.
Some parts of christianity can do the tongue part, but i'm not too sure about the rest. How many christians do we see drinking deadly poisons and living?
I just had a thought. Perhaps no christian is a true follower of Jesus becasue, to be honest, how many people do we know who embody those traits? None that I can think of.
Therefore, nobody is a "true" christian.
By the way anonymous, thanks for posting "Hanks ass" Whoever wrote that was brilliant.
You rock!
He is a piker.
I don't want you to change a thing.
Everytime some piece of shit tries to cough up puke about atheist tolerance and reason, I have this site to refer them to.
You all have provded me some of my choicest quotes and information for articles.
Keep it up, damned suckers!!!
Hahahahahaha
"The troll really missed the point when he said that "nudity in medievel catholic art should discredit christianity". It is the depiction of suffering and damnation that we mock."
No I think he PROVED the point. Isn't it just like a Christian to look at the art and only notice the nudity, not the suffering? Sex bad, violence OK.
If one "accepts Jesus" and one is "saved," as the christian church teaches, then why did Christ say, "Whosoever keepeth my saying shall never see death?" Or, "He that endureth to the end, the same shall be 'saved?'" Why does Christ say that ones body and soul may be in hell, if ones body goes into the ground? Why in Matthew did he say that there are "eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heavens sake?" Why did he say that one must "become as a child" to "enter heaven?" Why did he say that ones righteousness must exceed that of the scribes and pharisees in order to "enter heaven?"
The list goes on and on and on...
If one "accepts Jesus" and is "saved," then why did John the apostle say in 1 John 2:2 that Christ is "the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world?" Apparently, there is no need to "accept Jesus!" Everybody is "saved!" Now, how does this correlate with revelations, where we are all judged and some among us are "cast into the lake of fire which burneth and tormenteth forever and ever?"
...there's something wrong with the whole book...
...the bible, that is...
evidence to support your claims. You say there is no Allah and that He as well as Islam are fairy tales. Which would sound more fantastic and unreal, the idea that there is no Allah and that all of the amazing complexity of the universe is a mere string of chance happenstances (which is insane unless you want to say that matter is eternal and intelligent) or that there is an awesome intelligence and power at the helm?
I have been a believer in Allah for sixteen years and my faith unlike most of yours, is not blind, based merely on conjecture and emotional reaction to outward stimuli, but is based on history, archaeology, 400 years or so of the existence of Allah's people as well as my personal testimony of the very real and tangible effect knowing Muhammed has had on me.
I suggest that if you want to continue the existence of this web site that you either change the name of it to "we hate Allah.com",or that you back up what you say with something other than the anger and head burrying tactics which I have had the displeasure of witnessing here. Thanks, wlhorowitz@lionslink.com
Blah blah, fricking blah.....
Regarding your point numbered "3."
1 corinthians 3:15 "If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire."
If you'll go to 1 John 2:2, you will see that John the apostle is quoted to have said that Christ is "the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world." This might explain 1 corinthian 3:11 whch reads "For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ."
The verse you quoted from 1 corinthians does not say "any christian," it says "any man."
From reading these verses, I'd say that we are ALL "saved!" Nowhere in these passages does it say, "accept Jesus and you're 'saved,'" in fact, it appears to me that the entire world is "saved" by the death on the cross, and 1 corinthian 3:15 refers to everybody being "saved," and not those who "accepted Jesus!"
The doctrine of salvation by grace, to me, is nonsensical.
It's late. I'm going to bed. I'll be back.
"I suggest that if you want to continue the existence of this web site that you either change the name of it to "we hate Allah.com",or that you back up what you say with something other than the anger and head burrying tactics which I have had the displeasure of witnessing here. Thanks, wlhorowitz@lionslink.com"
Blah blah, fricking blah.....
ATTENTION Anonymous!
Here is the web site that exposes Islam as being the same kind of fraud as Christianity, and it has been doing it consistently, and brilliantly for a long time!
http://www.faithfreedom.org/
Also, "not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter heaven..."
If Jesus is "the only begotten son of God," then why does the old testament mention the sons of God who came into the daughters of men? They could not have "accepted Christ," since they came before him.
Yada, yada, yada...
A person is not saved by "accepting Jesus" here, but "by fire!"
Perhaps the "fire" is the suffering of this life, and a poor interpretation of it, with "hell" being reincarnation, or perhaps the early roman catholic church altered the scriptures in order to control the masses. There are many theories. Christianity, clearly, is nonsense, and the bible is a mess, frankly. Look at the way it divides us instead of uniting us. Every religion teaches unity, and the christian church is divided into thousands of different denominations. It's really ridiculous.
Why anybody believes in christianity is beyond me...