How do I move forward?

Image via WikipediaA letter from Kevin

I'm 41 years of age and have been a Christian since I was probably six or seven. It's all I've known.

Now my two kids -- seven and nine -- are right into it.

I've wrestled with doubts since I was a teenager. Life would get tough; I would seek God; and when things got better I would thank Him. Then I would question whether that was divine help or just a coincidence of life. Now I'm at the point where I can't believe that (according to the Bible) my nice neighbours and wonderful in-laws are going to hell. And, I don't see any victories in my life over recurring "sins" or any desire for self discipline -- no visible benefits of being "saved".

I think I can deal with easing out of the church community, but my big fear is, how do I move forward with my wife and kids? How do I respond to what they learn in church or at their kids' club at church? How can I be honest with myself and them?

I am sitting on the fence right now. I am currently reading a book from Philip Yauncey's "Disappointment with God". His has a Christian approach which is obviously trying to support God and quell my doubts, but I see the opposite side of every point he makes.

This would be much easier if I was a single guy or if my kids were much older. This is an anxious time for me. Any advice would be welcome. Anybody from the Niagara Region (Southern Ontario) who wants to share a coffee, just let me know.