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Friday, May 23, 2008                                                                                       View Comments

Jesus yes, church no

From Dakota L

I'll be honest. I haven't given up on Jesus, but church makes me wince. I've been very hurt by religion. I've made my own mistakes as well.

I've grown up in church my entire life. I found this site after "Googling" Masters commission, as I was a first year student. I feel it created a lot of insecurities in people; I know it did for me.

The no dating policy was more like "no looking in the opposite sex's general direction." I was even "confronted" for doing so in a large group of people. I had hardly had any communication with the opposite sex and was shy for the most part. Then I'm suppose to be made to feel like I am doing such an ungracious deed? I swear, it screwed me up psychologically. Even to this day, although I am happily married, I have trouble with the opposite sex. I feel very uncomfortable after being conditioned in Masters Commission. That is one thing I think was unhealthy.

I was also prayed for and as the woman was praying she was screaming for the spirit of lesbianism and all these horrible sexual things to come out of me. It was mortifying. One of the most humiliating experiences. (There are many more.)

I realize too that many Christians grow up in a mold. I don't feel that I have, although growing up a Christian. One woman at my job asked me how I was, and I said "happy." She then told me, "It's not all about being happy." I suppose I did take more personal offense because I had dealt with a lot of years not being happy, and finally I was, and then I get told "It's not all about being happy." That was a plain weird comment. Although knowing what she meant... still! Like I was naive for saying I was happy. Not so much. Not after being molested and humiliated over and over and over again in life.

I have read how many other people have been hurt by church, I know! My initial experiences of following God were not church related, so I don't completely identify church in my own heart and head with the Jesus I've found I can trust. I do find peace when I focus on God, but church gives me anxiety. And although I think part of that is how I have been wounded, I don't think it looks the way God intended.