I left Christianity approximately a year ago. I came to Christianity after having a conversion experience that was very powerful when I was 18. I initially participated in a Pentecostal church and then ended up leading an emergent church. I was a Christian for 16 years and I was the main leader of a church when I left. At the time of my de-conversion I could no longer intellectually sustain many of the core assertions of Christianity. I have had numerous supernatural type experiences in my life and as a Christian I found the presence of the Holy Spirit very powerful and reassuring.
Since I have left the church I have sought for a suitable spiritual foundation. I have found perennial philosophy very appealing intellectually. However, I have encountered nothing that seems to compare to the power, love and insight that I experienced as a Christian (experiencing the Holy Spirit).
I still can't hold up the core theological components of Christianity. However, due to the spiritual experiences I had as a Christian I am still gripped regularly by the possibility that there may be something more to it (a thought that leads me to significant distress because I reject Christianity intellectually though seem to embrace it spiritually).
I thought that the power I experienced whilst a Christian could be experienced in similar ways through meditation or something, but it doesn't seem to be so; I am left feeling spiritually empty and confused spiritually.
Do you know of others who have gone through similar de-conversion experiences? Is there information you could provide that could assist me? What is your opinion?
I would like assistance, please.