The Jesus Show

A letter from Santa:

Just thought I'd report on an experience I had a couple of nights ago. I am a free-lance Santa for parties, etc, this time of year.

One of my agencies assigned me to a holiday party for a business. I was surprised to see when I got there, that the CEO of the business was executing his holiday office party like "The Jesus Show."

First of all, he spoke from a stage and told everyone that Jesus was the reason for the season and had everyone stand up and pray. I went along, but only because to be seen there as a Santa who didn't go along with their Jesus message might have caused complaints back to my agency. Then he had various employees read Bible passages related to the birth (and death) of Jesus.

There was even a cake in the buffet line which was shaped to look like a Bible and was decorated with Bible passages.

The worst part was the singing. Bad fundy songs about Jesus sung badly. They even sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. At that moment, I felt the Christians were right about one thing; there is a hell; and I was in it.

Just when I thought I had descended to the seventh level of hell, one big haired lady announced she was going to sing, "Jesus Loves Me, This I Know," to a "visual" by ..... drum roll.... TRENT LOTT! Nothing like a racist to cap off your evening. The video he had produced had children running through meadows in slow motion, blowing bubbles, and everyone all happy beyond belief -- surprise! they were alll white!

I had this fantasy of having known in advance this was going to take place and surreptitiously replacing the Lott video with the Ava Lowery video which shows kids blown up in Iraq to the same song Muhahahahahahaaaa! They would have been in shock.

Anyway, of course the whole time I was asking myself. Is this even remotely legal to be so blatantly proselytizing to your employees this way? I'm guessing they screen for infidels and don't allow people like you and me work for them. BTW, the company is in the oil and gas exploration and well maintenance business. In any case, it's hard to imagine that there aren't some people who work there who made uneasy by all this, and there's pressure to conform to his view of religion to get promotions, etc.

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 clearly states:

Employees cannot be forced to participate -- or not participate -- in a religious activity as a condition of employment.

I'm interested in reactions to this.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have worked for two "religious" companies in the past and it really is revolting. They are seldom very good places to work for anyone since they tend to be overbearing and abusive to employees. Unfortunately, work is at will in this country and there is little you can do - speaking out will only create conflict and you can't win. Too bad you didn't know about this ahead of time.

Isn't this why non-believers gather and collaborate?

Anonymous said...

My friend you're very lucky to have gotten out of there alive. Had one of those (drunken)fundies have said; "Hey look! There's a evil witch in a Santa costume!" Your ass would have been tied to a pole and roasted right now.

Had you not bowed and pretended to believe along with them, they would have have said Santa is the anti-christ, lets exorcise Santa and remove the evil demonic spirit that dwells inside of Santa and his fleet of demonic helpers.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing that with us Santa! That is too funny! LOL We are glad you escaped Fundy Hell! For laughs you should have stood up in the middle of the party and told everyone that you just got "saved" and you now know the real reason behind the season!! Lots of laughs! Thanks again for sharing! Fundys are too much!

Anonymous said...

Becuase you idolized the Santa Claus god over the Jesus figure on the holy Christmas day, the Bible specifically states you must be stoned to death.

Aren't you glad there are some remnants of non-religious rationality remaining in this world?

Roger O'Donnell said...

" Why would such a religious group of folks need a Santa anyway?"

I'm sure that the Rev'd Haggard likes a Santa... In a Queen of the Bears way...

Love

Grandpa

Anonymous said...

I would be extremely grateful if anyone else can furnish legal information such as civil right's violations of harassing people in the workplace with Christian born again religious propaganda and proselytizing.

Anonymous said...

(I'm the original poster) Thanks for the replies! To answer the question about legal information, I quoted the federal law concerning this. It doesn't have to be a very big company either, I think it applies to companies with 15 employees or more. Just google eeoc and it gives you the scoop right there. If you're having problems at your work place, you might contact the ACLU or American Atheists.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps if you needed some extra cash you could have asked to be saved during the "cutting of the cake" and then suggest you needed some extra cash to start a ministry--I'm sure enough pocket change in that room would pay for a new sports sedan? Smirk... Fundies believe anything! www.ifjesuswereapopsicle.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Maybe the company hired you so that "SANTA" could be the legal secular counterweight to all the Jesusoid stuff - that way if anyone objected to the religious proselytization they could say (as creches are justified on public lands) "Well, we had Santa there too!"

Did they have Frosty the Snowman as well?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing that; it was hilarious. You spent your time in Fundie Hell, but now you have a funny story to tell for the rest of your life.

Happy Holidays!

And, remember:

Solstice is THE reason for the season!

Anonymous said...

God does not discriminate He is the saviour of all mankind..period.

Christ came to give us freedom , but not to use it as a license, although many use it as such, But we christrians are under no law. "(Except the law of Love)" We have been found not guilty, and declared innocent. Our guilt was laid on Him, He took the penalty and didnt commit the crime. He is what God had in mind when He created Adam. Adam was not the perfect finished product, Christ is that perfect completed one., which the rest of mankind will be like without choice. Adam had no say in the matter and neither do we...

Anonymous said...

God does not discriminate He is the saviour of all mankind..period.

Wait a min. He is the saviour of all mankind..period.

I thought Jesus was the savior of all mankind...hmmm?

It's like the three studges, Father-Sun-Holy Ghost

So god is so busy that he had to turn salvation over to his sun...huh?

How come God can create the whole universe in just six days but it took Jesus three days to resurrect, why so long, was resurrection half a big deal as creating the whole universe with over 125 billion galaxies?

Why did Jesus have to hang on the cross for three days?

Then he asked, why has thou forsaken me? He got tired waiting, he lost faith?

boomSLANG said...

Fundonymous said: But we christrians are under no law. '(Except the law of Love)'

Um, "we" Christians? What...?...ya gotta turd in your pocket? "USER ERROR!"...this is an EX-christian website, Jerky! And what's this "law of love" crappola? Of course you wuv yur wittle Jebus.....because if you don't, he'll INCINERATE your a$$. Hmmm.... sounds like you're under the "law of coersion", to me. How "loving".

Fundonymous said: Our guilt was laid on Him, He took the penalty and didnt commit the crime.

Hmmmmm...close...your lips have been "laid on Him".....yup.....right on his GHOST-WHITE HOLY ASS. And again, why? Because it's OFF TO HELL with you, if you don't. That's some special "love" you got there, Spineless.

Fundonymous said: He is what God had in mind when He created Adam.

Yes, Adam was "flawed" and "proud" and "disgusting" and "weak" and "naked", and he had the propensity to make poor choices.......but let us remember, he was made in GOD'S image. Um, yoo hoo? DiNg-dOnG!?!?! D'oh! LMAO!!!!!!

Fundonymous: Christ is that perfect completed one.

Gee, I don't know, Christ is full of holes---at least 3---and his "holey" handbook hundreds more. And according to this handbook, Jesus exhibited all of the undesirable characteristics of our "fallen" great-grandparents, "Adam and Eve". So no, the word "perfect" doesn't exactly come to mind, but on the other hand, "non-existant" does, since there's not one single shred of objective evidence that "Jesus" exists. NONE. ZIP..."Period".

Shalom!

Anonymous said...

To the original poster:

I don't know about the ACLU. They defended the WBC in court for freedom of speech.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/22/AR2006072200643.html

Also, what about this "Faith-Based Initiative" thing that wasn't it supposed to be a law? Wonder if that changes things or gives employers a loophole to be all one religion? I admit I don't know how that works, but it got me thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

What if your wrong?

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. John 20:29

boomSLANG said...

What if your wrong?

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. John 20:29


What if you learn the contraction for "you are"?

English 1:01

Anonymous said...

Oh, sweet uncle Loki, it's... PascalWagerMan!

Hey, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But in both my heart and my mind, I don't think so. Regardless... Even if the Bible is accurate, I cannot in good conscience worship the god described therein.

Lots of mythologies and lots of gods out there, Anonymous. Most likely, none of the theists have got it right.

Anonymous said...

Boomslang you kill me - rotflmao

Ian said...

"The worst part was the singing. Bad fundy songs about Jesus sung badly. They even sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. At that moment, I felt the Christians were right about one thing; there is a hell; and I was in it."

Thank you Santa, for making me laugh long and hard. I feel much better after reading that little gem.

Anonymous said...

Let's get real here - regardless of civil rights laws that seek to prevent this kind of abuse in the workplace, your practical options are quite limited. If you are experiencing this kind of harrassment at work, it would be far easier to find another job than to win any kind of legal fight given that the religiosity is coming from higher up in the company food chain. If you complain, you suddenly become a target.

Anonymous said...

annoypuss wrote
How come God can create the whole universe in just six days but it took Jesus three days to resurrect.

How many days was the fictional charactor jesus in the grave.?
Count the days.?

Personally I would not work for a religious driven company..

Anonymous said...

Its scary.
Just glad I work in a secular environment.

Anonymous said...

Oh...my...gawds...there are really places like this out there? YIKES!
Dude! I would have, discreetly, ran like hell! (no pun intended) And, told my employer that I walked into a place full of loonies and ran before they had the chance to do something weird and fucked up to me....like a lobotomy. Otherwise, I found your post really funny...especially the line...."there is a hell and I was in it." LOL Just glad you got out of there with your skin intact!

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