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Archived Letters

Wednesday, December 28, 2005                                                                                       View Comments

hard to breathe

sent in by MJ

I am new to this site. I posted a testimony. It's in the recent articles.

Sometimes just thinking about what has happened in the past 2 years makes it very hard to breathe. I went for so long with Christianity programmed into me that it's really hard. Do I still believe in God? I can't answer that. Sometimes I don't think I do. Sometimes I think He's there. I can't decide.

I was at a bar recently speaking w/ someone. They asked me what I believe in. (why is it that we are all programmed to have to have something to believe in?) I told them. Well, I do believe God exists. They asked if I thought that all would go to heaven. I replied no. They asked if I thought that I would go to heaven. I said with the way I am living, I would go to hell.

Does that scare me? Yes, I would go to hell.

I am so confused right now. I am sure many of you have gone through this. But it's hard. I know that we all have to find something to believe in; even if it's not to believe in something. I know there is no easy answer, there's no easy fix. I made this huge lifestyle change (not living for god) and it hasn't gotten any easier. Christianity broke my heart.

It's painful to see old friends from church and they don't support my decisions. I don't have a huge support system saying that it's okay to make this change.

HELP.

It's hard to breathe.